Hey there swingin’ Cleveland-town. I used to have a lot of close friends in your neck of the woods. Sure, lot’s of “friends of mine” hail from your parts… good people like Carmine “Crazy Walleye” Fishaghetti, Dominic “Carp Nose” Scungilli, Sonny “The Anchovy” Permatella and Bob Hope.

Unfortunately the Feds decided that anyone with four Cadillacs, a villa in Tuscany and no visible source of income needed to be put under surveillance. So, a lot of my “good friends” moved to that pecorina West Virginia… specifically to the Lewisburg Federal Prison area. But hey, that’s life… without parole!

I’ve reunited the Rat Pack here in the “Strip In The Sky” and Dino, Sammy, Joey and me have also “made” some new members… John “Bonzo” Bonham from “Iron Blimp”, or something like that, and Sid “Tiny Tuna” Vicious.

We got Bonham because we needed a drummer, and the cat can swing, but he hits the goddamn drums so goddamn hard that he made Sammy’s eye pop right the fuck out of his goddamn head!

Vicious didn’t like the nickname we gave him. I had Angelo “Huge Tuna” Scampirelli talk to him -- he likes his name now, but he still plays the bass like a stronzo di merda.

Hey, don’t forget that you’re my kind of town down there. Dino’s from your area and he said to tell you to quit acting like a sticchio and get the damn Scotch out. As for me, the end was near, came and now is over. I’m still doing it my way, still a cazzo when I need to be, and still chasing the figa.

[Editors Note: You may need the Alternative Italian Dictionary to truly appreciate this piece.]

An open letter from Frank Sinatra to the citizens of Cleveland, as channelled through Clyde Miles clyde.milesATgmail.com

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