The Self-Infliction Culture
by DJ Hellerman

Self infliction is an acquired a taste, a taste for its feeling that is connected to a moment, one single moment to escape and be in complete control of feelings, anxieties, pleasures and frustrations. Those who practice it want to stop but are mired in addiction; as they indulge, they're able to escape and experience the precious moment of controlled ecstasy. It is a time when vulnerability and self-punishment becomes a way to deal with uncontrollable circumstances in life that spin out of control.

Self-infliction, according to East side Cleveland therapists Pam Land and Karen Hall, is a common pathological disorder that can be explained in different ways: self-mutilation, self-injury, self-harm, S.I. or the common pop culture reference “cutting.” Cutting is not a phenomenon unique to pop culture, its existence has lingered for generations and is common among people who have been sexually abused. It is described as the purposeful and intended destruction and extreme stimulation of the body in places either visible or not. More common in women than men, the disorder is not suicidal, but can easily be misunderstood as a failed attempt at suicide. However, as a person continues to cut, the chances of accidental suicide are common due to the lack of attention and care to the actual details of the S.I. act.

Cool Cleveland spoke with "Catherine" (name has been changed), a well spoken, sensitive and intelligent Cleveland teen who practices S.I. A good student, Catherine is engaging, enjoys communicating, writing and shuns mainstream school programs and groups. Although she guards her privacy, she shared insight into why she and others participate in this controversial and disturbing practice. As a child she was exposed to her older sister who practiced S.I. and to complicate matters, her family also has a history of chronic depression. Because the topic of cutting is taboo in social circles and within the media, Catherine was not able to learn the ways to manage this behavior; she attempted her first cut during a time in her life when relationship problems were prevalent, and as a result she felt the compelling need to hurt herself. "It’s not something that I can control. It’s a feeling that I need, a feeling that I want, a feeling I deserve when I want or need to punish myself. I don’t want attention, or others to feel sorry for me. I’ll be rejected – even more than I am now. I have friends who do it...we are everywhere: on the internet, in my neighborhood, in the schools. When I have problems dealing with situations in my life, this is the best way for me to handle it."

Catherine’s condition deserves an explanation and differentiation from other young people who cut on a casual basis because of boredom, or to appear cool. According to Land and Hall, these “recreational cutters” are different in that they do not have an addiction to the ritual aspect of the self-infliction. They will occasionally cut as a form of entertainment, and they also have the self-control to abstain from cutting during times of high vulnerability, as opposed to pathological cutters. Authentic cutters will consistently cut, and may become less careful about their cutting while they are absorbed in the act itself.

It’s not that these students and young people are disillusioned, or choose to live this way. It's the opposite: They wish they would not cut, and wish they could stop. Stopping is a complicated issue: Frustrations mount from their perceived numbness brought on my over exposure to the media, as well as increased pressure of scholastic performance and the high expectations of family, work and friends. This adds up to increased anxiety. The only way they achieve feeling, or experience a point departure is through the "rush" of the cut and subsequent bleeding. It provides an emotional release.

For Catherine, cutting is a visual representation of pain she feels and the burden that comes with it. Visually, she is able to show the pain she is under to both the people who have caused her pain, and those who haven’t. Cutting is a process of replacing the internal pain with external pain using the body as a medium; it’s an act of bringing background internal emotions to the foreground of her body. In many cases, the ritual of cutting combined with the physical experience makes cutting addictive, and the body parts subject to abuse often vary: wrists, forearms, chest, ribs, thighs, calves, ankles, and feet. The selected body part is returned to time and time again for continuous affliction; in this way the ritual is established.

Cutters have their own groups, and S.I. cliques are common. Many cutters are also friends with other cutters; it's easier for them to associate with others who share similar interests. Unfortunately, this group mentality and behavior feeds off each other; within these groups, their uncommon behaviors are viewed as acceptable which in turn normalizes the behavior. This way, group therapy can be turned on its head and used to perpetuate the situation farther.

Practitioners of S.I. are cognizant of their actions, and interestingly, the majority are not in denial about their condition. They are often introspective and relieved when they are able to stop, because they feel there are no other coping mechanisms available to effectively help them to stem their destructive behavior. For Catherine and other cutters, the act of cutting is not something they are proud of, as the effects of cutting, both physical and psychological, wear the body down. The unacceptability of cutting in not one that makes curing the disease an easy process. Currently, cutting is viewed not as a disease, but an act performed by primarily the Gothic sub-culture, however, its practice has increased among mainstream groups, e.g. extracurricular athletic teams and other cliques who have learned about it at school and through the internet. Society views the act as unacceptable, but is not aware of the severity of the matter or educated about it. When the general population recognizes cutting as an activity that signals a deeper personal struggle, the acceptability and opportunity for people engaging in these activities to receive help will improve.
by Cool Cleveland contributor DJ Hellerman DJ_Hellerman@yahoo.com (:divend:)