Now we don our iApparel. This year the CD continued to accelerate into its agonizing death spiral. This was bad news for the blood-sucking major record label Scrooge-Jackals who have been bending us over at $15.99 a pop for decades. So Happy Alchoholidays Sony!

This year, I will download all my fave holiday tunes to my iPod, but not to my 1985 cassette “WalkMan”. That won’t work, and it is yet another blow to Sony Claus.

Rhapsody lists 728 albums in the holiday genre. Ranked by popularity, there are some obvious “please do not even consider it” choices in the first few hundred selection. This includes anything by “The Trans-Siberian Orchestra”. These guys are not from the “former Soviet Union” and in fact, are holiday music-thieving sympho-rock wankers from Meat Loaf hell, and yet again, Steve Popovich doesn’t get a dime. Step away from the keyboard if you sense the urge to download this dung.

I believe that “Mannheim Steamroller” is the same overbearing band attempting to double their holiday season profits. Think about it…have you ever seen them together?

Once past the obvious pap, my first recommendation is “Ultra Lounge Christmas Cocktails 2” for nothing other than the Dean Martin version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”. Add a Wayne Newton take on “Jingle Bell Rock” and you have that classic smoky cheese-log feel that make this time of year much more special than “Hurricane Season”.

Here are the rest of my recommendations in no particular order:

In The Ghetto – Elvis Presley

Flat out, the best Christmas song ever not categorized as a Christmas song. Just listen to it and then try to get annoyed in line at the CVS.

Christmas Island – Jimmy Buffett

Huh? Let’s get wasted away again in Eggnogaville!

Stylistics Christmas – The Stylistics

All the favorites done Philly Soul style…bust out the red satin bell bottoms and the snow globe afro wig.

It’s Christmas Man! – Brave Combo

What’s more appropriate for Hanukkah than Mexican Polka? Plus, I think Steve Popovich does make a dime from this.

Christmas Spirit – Joey Ramone

Thought Joey was dead? Wrong. Not if he’s a Jewish guy from Queens with “Christmas Spirit”, for fuck’s sake.

So hang the old CD’s on the tree, try not to get into an altercation over the new “Cross-Ukranian Back-Hoe Loader” video game at the Sam Goody at the mall and vow to let the “Happy Elf” out of trouser prison whenever possible. Spectacular indeed.

 (:divend:)