Give Until It Hurts, And Then Give More
Memo to: Chris Ronayne
From: Roldo Bartimole
Chris, you fucked up again. Lost OfficeMax. It was born here. Why Chicago?
I know you and the gang wanted to give them two million, maybe three million dollars, maybe four or more, to stay but they turned you down.
You learned a lot from the experience, they say. I wonder what, though.
Here’s where you made your mistake, Chris.
These guys that run the company have their homes in the Chicago area. I’m told they don’t want to give up their homes.
You messed up. You offered them tax abatements. You offered loans. Low interest loans. Some they wouldn’t have to pay back. (Those are not really loans, Chris; they’re gifts!) Free parking? What, no BMWs?
You forgot about the homes. Why didn’t you buy the estate of the late Al Lerner and offer that tract for the OfficeMax chairman’s new Cleveland home? Free. No taxes. Limo service back and forth to the Cleveland or Shaker OfficeMax executive offices.
There must be other places available out in Hunting Valley, Gates Mills or Moreland Hills that would have made nice gifts – the kind you cannot refuse to lure other high OfficeMax executives here.
Boats for Lake Erie. All the top staff could have been given yachts. That’s enticing.
College tuition for their kids, anywhere, free.
Hey, if you’re going to attract top talent you have to pay the price.
See, you didn’t use your noggin.
You depended upon all those old gimmicks – tax abatements - 1970s stuff. Low interest loans. Pffft, you can get that anywhere. You have to think out of the box, Chris.
The time is now ripe to really help your corporate leaders.
How about free restaurant meals for all the executives? That would be nice.
How about full income tax rebates? That might sing the right song to them. Why should they pay income taxes when they honor us with their presence?
Let’s get into the right frame of mind here in Cleveland, Chris.
This is an arms race. We need new weapons.
They’d miss Chicago? We’ll give them jets to go back on the weekends. No cost to them. Maybe some spending money, too.
We need a Plan B, as Shaker Mayor Judy Rawson suggested. B for Bribery. Corporate bribery. That’s what works today in Corporate America.
You want corporate headquarters? Well, you have to be more creative. A little bit more generous, too. Give them what they want.
Never mind that old tax abatement stuff. That doesn’t work anymore. Anyone can give that.
You know how it is with kids. Offer them candy and they want more.
Hope you get the drift, Chris. You just have to be a little more inspired, somewhat more artful.
Without it, you’re just left buying your pencils at Staples.
I guess now it’s back to the Convention Center for some community oomph. We need it more now that ever! That could be your slogan, Chris.
White’s neck on PD chop list now
One has to guess that the Plain Dealer wants former Mayor Michael White’s scalp.
After Doug Clifton finally gave the okay (he reads those alternatives now, doesn’t he?) for the story that he said had “profound importance” but which he couldn’t reveal, it’s now open season on White.
With the conviction of White’s buddy Nate Gray, can the feds keep their hands off the former Mayor, the PD is asking.
In a page one story, the headline says: “Critics: Mike White should be next target.” However, the best the article could do was quote less than stellar Clevelander, developer John Ferchill. And, of course, Mike Polensek who had been critical of White for years provided critical comments. He can do that without moving his lips.
That’s not a whole lot of critics willing to stick their necks out for such a headline.
Then the same day on the editorial page, its director Brent Larkin let the former mayor have it under the headline: “A legacy of White lies.” He ended the rant with this: “History will forever remember that the crimes committed against the people of Cleveland were by Mike White’s good friends and on White’s watch.” Oh, that really hurts.
It’s terrible when a love affair goes bad.
What a contrast from a 1996 Larkin column suggesting Cleveland didn’t even need to bother holding an election to re-anoint White to a third term. “Will Cleveland need a mayoral election?” read the headline. Larkin suggested that White would have no real opposition in the 1997 election because he was still “a popular mayor,” he had a large war chest and – although Larkin denied the PD had already made its choice – the PD was “perceived” to be backing White again for re-election, Larkin wrote.
The truth is that White was the PD’s boy for many years. And when they get tired of “their” mayor, as the paper traditionally will do, they get a new boy, or as lately, girl.
What the PD and Larkin never do, however, is assess their complicity in the sins of their choices and the price Clevelanders pay.
From Cool Cleveland contributor Roldo Baritmole RoldoAtAdelphiDotNet (:divend:)