Santaland Diaries @ Cleveland Public Theatre 12/9 “I’m a 45 year-old man and this is my work outfit.” This is a green velvet sleeveless smock trimmed in metallic braid, including all around the pointed and tasselled bottom edge, mid-thigh length, which also has jingle bells attached. Under this (on the top) is a school-bus yellow long-sleeved turtleneck jersey, and on the lower portion of his torso is tights. Wide red-and-white-striped tights, yet. Like a giant candy cane. Or the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse. Except that the lighthouse is black and white. On his feet are red velvet mules with white fur trim and more jingle bells. A red velvet Santa hat trimmed with white fur completes the outfit. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen the real thing. Trust me on this.

A short time later, in a dry monotone, he utters the famous line, “My elf name is Crumpet,” breaking up the audience completely. Anyone less likely to be named Crumpet is hard to imagine. The speaker is, after all, not only a 45-year-old-man, but he’s about 6 feet tall, and if not ‘portly’ exactly, he’s still a nice armful. He’s balding by design and has a ten o’clock shadow. He wears glasses, and has a Brooklyn accent that doesn’t quit.

As he continues through the hour-long Santaland Diaries monologue (by David Sedaris) Mark Alan Gordon is not merely acting. He is so into the persona that you readily believe he’s been there, done that, and now he’s just telling us—a group of his friends at a party, maybe—all the sorry details. It’s hilarious, and if you’ve ever been a parent and taken a child—or two—to see Santa, a good bit of this performance will register as absolutely right on.

Beginning with the off-the-wall decision to answer the ‘elf’ want ad for the Macy’s at Herald Square through the last day at Santaland on Christmas Eve, Gordon describes the joys and jibes of being an elf—one of sixteen or so required for the season. He always manages the right amount of insouciance or world-weary ho-hum as he wanders through the various aspects—and other employees—of Santaland. He’s a wizard with accents, changing almost from word to word and absolutely nails the Bensonhurst ‘babe’ parts.

Visit www.CPTOnline.org for details.

From Cool Cleveland contributor Kelly Ferjutz artswriterATadelphia.net (:divend:)