Losing and Winning

As I approached the steps of Cleveland City Hall on May 7 for the noon celebration regarding the first official day the Domestic Partnership Registry enacted by City Council was in effect, I passed a friend who laughingly said, "I know you’re not attending that!" My response was, "In fact, I am, and I'm also scheduled to give a short speech." The shock on my friend's face -- actually by then he was a former friend, since our relationship changed immediately -- was palpable.

As I walked up the steps, a female acquaintance was coming out of the doors of City Hall, where black ministers were (by chance) holding some sort of prayer breakfast. It wasn't a counter demonstration to express their displeasure with the law, I was later assured... and we all know that black ministers never lie, don’t we? They just twist the Scriptures to fit what they’re being paid to say.

You do know that white conservatives pay black ministers to fight battles they can't win in their own communities, don't you...?

However, know this: The “threat” to marriage in America doesn’t come from domestic partner registries or gay marriage... the real threat to marriage comes from divorce — and the failure of mainstream ministers (both white and black) to do enough to stem this rising tide.

The woman (making a wrong assumption) told me where to find the ministers inside the building, and visibly blanched when I said, “Actually, I’m attending this event,” as I pointed to the gays and their supporters gathered on the steps of City Hall. Scratch another former friend.

Following is the written version of the speech I was proud to deliver a few minutes later:

"I’m honored to have been asked to speak here today. When the legislation that created the domestic partner registry was first proposed, I began working on a column for Cool Cleveland in support of it. Right before it was published I shared it with my nephew and he pointed out that if I came out in support of gays, some people would obviously start a rumor that I’m also gay, or why else would I be writing in support of “those” people?

"Well, he was right. Some black ministers did start such a rumor; but my response was, and is, very simple: I’d rather be mistakenly thought of as being gay, than rightly thought of as being a bigot. At some point in your life you have to have enough courage to stand up for what you believe in, no matter what lies someone might spread, and I believe in fair treatment for all people, no exceptions.

"Most people don’t know the name Bayard Rustin. He was the black architect of the civil rights movement who played the leading role in designing the strategies that Dr. Martin Luther King and others used in the turbulent 60s. But he couldn’t take part in the movement because he was gay, and it was felt that his presence would hurt, rather than help the movement. So, he sat in his Greenwich Village apartment and designed the brilliant tactics that won civil rights for millions of black people.

"Now, my question to the ministers who are opposed to everyone having those same rights is this: Do they care to give back the rights that Dr. King and others fought for and won because a gay person played such a prominent role in the winning of those rights? I don’t think so.

"My next question for those same ministers is this: How can any black person, after all our race has been through, deny any rights of others? If Dr. King were alive today he would be standing right here with you, and if President Obama were in Cleveland today he’d also be standing right here with you. All I can do is humbly apologize for those ignorant black men of the cloth who should be ashamed of themselves. And, while I’m not gay, I would be proud if I were.

"Over 40 years ago Bob Dylan wrote: Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everyone wants me to be just like them. My message to you today is simply this: Be yourself, and be very proud."

As I handed the microphone back to the moderator of the event I looked right into the eyes of one of the black ministers I’d just spoken about. He was standing on the fringe of the crowd, watching, as if he were some sort of sentry for God, taking note of who said what blasphemy. We’d been very cordial to each other for over a decade, but his disapproving eyes informed me that I’d just lost another friend, and by the way, he was going to snitch on me to God.

I wanted to tell him that God already knows my position on the matter, and, by the way, She has already let me know that She approves.

You do know that God is a black female... don’t you?

That’s why my religion is of such a tolerant, loving variety.

As I turned, Councilman Matt Zone was the nearest person to me and he grabbed my hand in heartfelt thanks; then Councilwoman Mamie Mitchell (who really put herself on the line by supporting the issue, since some of the ministers opposed to the registry have large churches with voting congregations in her ward), almost tearing up, said “thank you”; her thanks were followed by those from Councilmen Cimperman, Westbrook and Santiago.

As I attempted to disappear back into anonymity, people in the crowd — total strangers — thanked me, shook my hand, patted me on the back and a couple of gay women even hugged me (imagine if the black minister had witnessed that!).

It was then that I realized I hadn’t “lost” any friends at all; I’d just traded up to some much better ones.

From Cool Cleveland contributor Mansfield B. Frazier mansfieldfATgmail.com

Read Mansfield's book From Behind the Wall: Commentary on Crime, Punishment, Race, and the Underclass by a Prison Inmate. It is available again in hardcover through the author. Visit him online at http://www.FromBehindTheWall.com.
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