TV Horror Movie Show Hosting isn’t what it used to be. In any American city you could find hordes of them. Des Moines had “The Angry Cobbler”. Nashville had “Count Hill-Jackula”, and the Bush family sported Nashcott Bush III, who went by the moniker “Evil Professor Devoid Von Thoughtenstein” during his TV Horror Movie Show Host stints in Austin, Texas and Bar Harbor, Maine and of course, prior to his “accidental” shooting by Dick Cheney.

Only in Cleveland can you still find a rich tapestry of TV Horror Movie Show Hosting.

The history of this phenomenon dates oddly enough to the advent of the TV, and with it the need to numb millions of minds with mind-numbing mindless numbness. The TV Horror Movie Show Host alone served as a shining beacon of hopefulness in a sea of Wonder Bread, Marshmallow Fluff and other vaguely food-like substances.

As the processed food geniuses at Kraft pondered the introduction of its “DeLuxe” line of powdered Macaroni and Cheese, Cleveland viewers were treated to “The Ghoul”, “Gouhlardi” and ultimately “Big Chuck and Lil’ John”.

As it turns out, “Lil’ John” is actually John Rinaldi, owner of a small jewelry store, noted pitchman for local pizza establishments and dealers for GMC (who recently announced its “Mastodon” line of four-story SUV’s), and most importantly, to this day, co-host with “Big Chuck” of the late weekend night horror movie show on “Fox 8”.

As Ernie “Dr. Skull” DiLombardo, the renowned TV Horror Movie Show Host of Paramus, New Jersey stated recently, “Lil’ John is clearly the king of horror show hosting. You try to scare the living fuck out of people with a prop budget of $6.89 a week, you stupid shit-bag.”

In 2004, Rupert Murdoch chimed in, proclaiming Lil’ John the linchpin of his overall strategy to frighten everyone with “reality” programming.

Rupert knows. The world of TV Horror Movie Show Hosting knows. Only in Cleveland…

From Cleveland's Leading Satirist and Cool Cleveland contributor Clyde Miles (:divend:)