The Devastating Deep Freeze of Middle Age

Cool Cleveland contributor TL Champion shares her humorous frustrations with the idiosyncrasies of human beings in Cleveland and beyond.

Since a visit from the Grim Reaper seems the only option to aging, does it make the process any less painful as we watch our minds, bodies and even our decades-old belongings deteriorate beyond recognition?

Take the example of my hauntingly old refrigerator. As each passing day, week and month continues to pack on additional years, this old broad (the refrigerator, not me) has begun a screaming ritual that lasts into the night. Sure, some would say that a malfunction of the cooling system needs a simple adjustment, but I think it’s more than that. I think the ol’ fridge is afraid of the same stuff you and I are, but dare think about, let alone speak of.

You know what I mean. It’s scary to think that our futures may consist of frailties like arthritic hips, social security injustices, and the dreaded dermatological exams where suspicious things, that used to be cherished parts of our bodies, are “removed.”

Last week I had a dermatologist remove a small bump from the tip of my nose (save the Michael Jackson jokes, please). However, the doctor’s hearing must be off a bit because in the excitement of freezing said bump mixed with the added opportunity of getting to use sharp, pointy instruments, he proceeded to replace the bump with a divot (for you golf fans) or gigantic hole! (for you lay people).

The result is what appears to be the equivalent of a third nostril. Outside of the obvious and delightful gifts created by suddenly becoming the proud owner of an additional orifice (for example, my sense of smell is much improved), the humility of having it dead center in the middle of my face is embarrassing. And no amount of cover up or powder seems to camouflage the thing. Sure, you laugh now. But wait until it’s your turn to have things dissected from your anatomy for all the world to laugh at.

I have questions about the future. For example, if, at the age of forty-four, I’m starting to notice changes that include screaming refrigerators and not-so-perfect skin, are these but small examples of what is yet to come with the devastating deep freeze of old age?
from Cool Cleveland contributor TL Champion TL@coolcleveland.com

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